How much?

Throughout my life I have been fortunate enough to have been surrounded by some very funny guys. But for me, the smartest cat of them all has to be T-Money.

And this whole site / book idea can be blamed on him (when it eventually turns out to be a failure) as I figured:

If he finds my stories funny, then surely I must be on to something.

Of course, if it’s an unlikely success then that’s all me.

…

We first met back in ’00 during our undergraduate degree (Statistics & Economics: what was I thinking?) and the rest is, as they say, comedy. But if that wasn’t torture enough, after graduating we signed up for a Masters in Finance.

Now if our undergraduate experience was bad – honestly, how many girls would you expect to meet on a Stats degree – the post grad was hell. And being a math, science and engineering power house, this place was akin to the American restaurant chain IHOP; except in this scenario, the P stood for penis.

Seriously, there was cock everywhere you looked. And now that I think about it; these two institutions and the fact that I went to an all boys school for the seven years prior may go some way towards explaining why I am so painfully shy around women (at least initially anyway). And also why I am much more comfortable in the presence of men.

But let’s save the Dr Phil analysis of my insecurities for another time.

…

It was during one of these regular ‘cock congregations’ outside the main lecture hall that a fellow student, Carlos, approached us with a somewhat unusual question.

Carlos: “Hey guys, how’s it going?”

Me: “Same old, same old. You know how it is.”

T-Money: “Like Seanny said. How about you?”

Carols: “Yeah me too. So… listen guys, I was thinking about this last night…

Would either of you suck another man’s dick for £1 million?”

T-Money: “What??”

Carlos: “It’s just a question. Don’t worry, it doesn’t mean anything.”

T-Money: “Yeah but why would you ask that?”

Me: “AB-SO-LUTELY.” I didn’t hesitate for a second. At which point, the two of them and any listening bystanders went deadly silent and turned round to look at me.

Carlos: “Really?”

T-Money: “Yeah Seanny, you did answer that awfully quickly.”

Me: “What’s the problem? It’s a no brainer as far as I can see. When the fuck am I going to see that kind of money? It’ll take years before I hit those kinds of earnings.” I was still of the mind-set that I would make it to Goldmans at that stage. “And that doesn’t even take tax into account. To receive £1m net you’d have to earn roughly £2m. This £1m is tax-free right Carlos?”

Carlos: “Err… not something I’d really thought about when I posed the question but yeah, I guess so.”

Me: “Ok great. So to confirm, I would definitely suck another man’s dick for £1m.” Cue general laughter and finger-pointing amongst the crowd.

Carlos: “And you?”

T-Money: “Hmm… Bear with me a second as I want to make sure that I’ve understood this correctly. If this mystery man receives a blowjob, you will give me £1m?”

Carlos: “Err… correct.”

T-Money: “Ok, I’ll tell you what I’d do. I’d ring up Smithson and say…

Seanny, how would you like to make £50k?”

Thank you ladies and gentlemen. I’ve been Sean Smithson, he’s been T-Money and you’ve been fantastic.

By the way in case any of you were wondering, I would’ve actually said yes to T-Money if I had received that call. Though as things stand now, I’m fairly certain I would suck a man’s dick just for a Facebook ‘like’!

…

If you liked this then I suspect you might also enjoy my book. Or not.

Either way, thanks for reading; particularly to those of you who share these stories and/or leave comments.